deaths and life

after the shock from the possibility of our nation's steerer suffering from an attack of stroke in front of the nation's eyes, and also seeing a Chinese funeral procession while crossing the road because there were a lot of people walking on the road and three big buses following behind, I suddenly felt that life, is not celebrated enough. I was watching Shane P's "what is in my bag" from 2015 and he had the LKY car stickers in his bag. So I went to look at the articles and photos published during that March. Videos would be too heart wrenching to view because I am too sentimental a soul.

It would seem that there have been a lot of deaths and illnesses amongst the steerers in recent months. Especially for our 51 years young country, I feel that mass grieving of deaths are usually staggered. My most blur memory of such would be in primary school when a president passed away too. Was too young to know who he was and his footprint on us but was sensitive enough to feel the grief around me.

Then came LKY's week long mourning. I forgot how I came to know of the news but I remember there were the internet trolls who started releasing their own news a few days before 23 March that I decided to ignore the news altogether. Death, at 23 March 2015, was still an unknown kind of experience for me.

It was the day of GP MCTs and in the morning, I think I was in W's car and the radio stations only played sombre pieces. The people on the streets moved slower than usual, with their heads on their phones; probably reading about the life and triumphs of LKY. I remember that nobody seemed to be smiling that day. The impact of his death that morning was quite huge because everything really seemed to have slowed down.

Then the Sunday morning , even the weather, for god knows what reason, was horribly bad. The rain was super heavy . there was no sunshine on our sunny little island. The skies were dark and the clouds were as heavy as our hearts. I was super glad to be part of the "education sector"? as I wore the raincoat over my green uniform and lined along the streets in front of the mass public who were protesting because we blocked their last view of LKY. I have never seen LKY before in my 18 years of life and his living years. LKY was always the man in the SS textbooks and in NDP. He was, LHL's father to me.

But because he was someone held close to the people I held close to, their grief became too my grief because grief, like happiness is infectious. Why was Ah Gong so sad? I always thought people didnt like his laws and policies. But then I decided that law and policies are independent of a person's soul. Politics, I feel, is for the passionate soul who believes they can be the change or the catalyst for the better world they believe in. I dont think that I will spend my precious life sold to politics. Politicians, are passionate hot-blooded people I respect so much.

LHL's showcase of fatigue on National TV was very shocking. Traditional media played down the shock to not affect nation's and economy's sentiments. The dramatic person in me have always imagines such situations e.g what if the lecturer suddenly collapses while delivering his lecture halfway? what if a performer suddenly faints while performing? What if the President trips and falls while walking up the steps during NDP?

I was very shocked at 9.18 last night because it was kind of what I have always imagined. I am just really glad that he managed to recover and delivered a 10 minute speech after the 70 minutes break.

I also realised today that LHL is almost as young as my grandmother. With the deaths and illnesses of these long standing steerers, I wonder how my grandmother and her pioneer generation friends feel? I mean, they were the people who witnessed before their very eyes the development of the country from living in slums to high rise buildings and from eating along the grim filled streets to well maintained hawker centres. Transport too, has been remarkable. My grandparents now take the MRT to Rochor to buy dried provisions. I think they previously had to walk from Chinatown Stn or Bugis before 2003.

A long time ago I forgot if it was on a tv show or at ah ma house, an elderly person was telling a youngster that they read the newspapers to see if their friends are on it. On the rare mornings I spend at my grandparent's house, I always feel a tinge of sadness when they flip to the last few pages of the Zao bao China section. What is it like, to watch the people you grew up with you die? Do you too embrace your death? or do you fear it?

And during bored evenings after dinner, when I have finished scrolling through all SNS, I'll just look around my grandparent's health. There is this paper cutting of the word Health placed prominently on the shelf above the Tv which I carefully bought back from BJ in 2014. Health is so important I dont know how to stress it further. Stress takes a toll on health..my vertigo comes back whenever my stress level becomes high.

SR Nathan is My president. He belongs to my generation because we sang the national anthem every morning with him and his wife looking back at us. Also, I sang with choir at a reception he hosted 5 years back. With his death, I just feel that yet another fine man who sold his life to the country is gone. Thank You man, Thank you for feeling passionate to be involved. You have lived a remarkable life and today, I celebrate your life.