Checklist of things to mention in this blogpost and probably subsequent ones

• Ambition and Ambitious

Ok so after writing a lot of papers this semester, i have kind of concluded that i am extremely incoherent in my writing and my thoughts so i hope that by signposting this post will make my flow of thought clear(er).

Went home with some new friends today and they talked about their ambitious-ness. she specifically used the word on herself. and the last time I heard the word which is also the place where I learnt the word was in sec sch cca. Like girls there will say ' oh so and so is really ambitious ' and the others will reply ' yeah she is.. ' and there will be this air of unspoken and almost unanimous feeling between the girls that 'ambitious girl' is terrible for being ambitious and she should focus on whatever is present. 

yet the truth is that 'ambitious girl' is probably just bad at disguising her ambitions. because (almost) everyone is ambitious. me too and i felt bad for being ambitious in the past because like ...

Digress abit. because we live on the first floor and my room is facing the walkway to the lift, every single damn night even at like 12am i hear obnoxious FOREIGNERS talking so damn loudly about things that do not need to be said loudly like ' what time should we wake up tomorrow ' capitalised foreigners because the tongue is definitely different (rolls eyes)

ok so i decided not to be ambitious ok wait but even in jc cca i had this little bit of hope that my 'ambitious' could be realised but i didnt get it la. but whatever because i couldnt even manage my own stuff .

ok so these new friends i went home with today were talking about what position they want to get into...what they think will make a good 'leader', who they think should be... ya da ya da

and i was culturally shocked because back in those days when i was exposed to these, no one will ever ever talk about these blatantly like everybody was so.... competitive? that we didn't dare to talk about it. talking about it is like a straight sentence to...jail....? you cannot talk about it back in my days.

so when these new friends were talking about it, i was silently judging them from my seat but after that when i was walking back home, i thought about it and i realised how obtuse and closed the place that taught me not to talk about it is. 

there is nothing wrong about saying 'i want to be an SL' or "i want to be in exco, ambitious, i know"-M, 2016. like these people are just really candid and open about their ambitiousness (i am not sure is ambition is the right word because I thought ambition means what you wanna be when you....grow up) ((when will i grow up then?))

then i heard something quite funny. the new friends were saying that Girl X should totally be XX (ok i still cant bear to list it out because this is the internet) but Girl X told them that she doesnt want to sign up for it because she is scared that she cannot get it. ok these werent the exact words, i put my words in her words. her exact words were something like that:

im interested but i paiseh leh, maybe if they ask me then i will go la. but if they never ask me i wont la..

so you can infer for yourself what Girl X's psyche is lor. 

but the new friends i talked to today made me realise this and i guess my saturday isnt that wasted afterall because how often can i still learn new things ..right?

• GINI

GINI is a concept taught in jc. when i was 17 just like amos y and joshua whatever from the hk umbrella (once again not using the keywords for privacy's sake) i wonder why the above two boys...men..youngsters had so much time to stage all that stuff they did, don't they have to pursue the Greater education? 

ok so GINI. how should i explain this... ok ill start in a very chronological order so you can understand where i am coming from

-BQQ has a crowdfund for her lawsuit. and it is on this site i came across a few months ago and was so impressed by their concept and achievements that i immediately signed up to be a vlounteer but eventually did not work out because i probably wasnt worthy enough lol. long story for another time la. ok so i was scrolling through the website again to read BQQ's story and i came across this other crowdfund project for kids from j-l-n k-u-k-o-h. so i was wondering why this place sounds so familiar and why are they raising funds for these kids. but i just stopped my 'wondering' there.

-At work ystd i decided to just list my tutoring services on C-a-r-o-s-e-l-l i didnt even give any detail about myself because my mentality was 'if you are really interested and eager, you will approach me naturally' (i think this is a bad mentality but since i am not desperate for it, i can afford to do so.) and shu1 bu4 zhi1, someone really enquired worh! so after discussing and all, we worked out something. then me being a more than rationale human, i got ambitious and was wondering if i can do more! so i was googling around and came across j-l-n-k-u-k-o-h again!! so i decided to find out what this place is. 

i mean if you are interested you can go and read up. i am not planning to write it out here because im too lazy. but i also suddenly realised (second realisation today) that the poor are really invisible! ok i think invisible is a very very 'conflict' way of adressing them. As what i have learnt in this particular mod which i do not even want to write out because it is a common mod ok but it starts with S and ends with E. so in this SXXXXXE mod, we learnt that there are a few ways 

• Influenza
• Density
• Week 11
• Moving forward